October 8, 2010

Too Much D&D

I know there are similar articles floating around that take a humorous look at our obssession with D&D. Here is mine.
How to tell if you've been playing too much D&D

  • You calculate how money you would have saved when buying that CD if you had made a Haggling roll.
  • You can’t watch a sporting event without calculating weapon damages for the sports equipment (Football 1d6 Range 30/60; Hockey Stick 2d8 Two-handed).
  • You’re at a meeting and you start assigning AC and HP to the other people there. If the meeting is really long you start assigning ability stats, usually beginning with Charisma.
  • You have a unique rating system for new restaurants in your area.
            5 Gold Inn
            1 Gold Inn
            Conjured Food
            Trail Rations
            Worse than Trail Rations

  • You refer to John Mayer as a Bard.
  • You know the prices of things by their gp value; milk, eggs, shoes, etc.
  • You give and expect 5’ of personal space and you are constantly calculating reach for nearby people.
  • If the floor is tiled, you find yourself stepping inside each tile and spending movement rates.
  • At least once a day, you note a time when a 10’ pole would have come in handy.
  • A promotion at work is considered ‘leveling up’.
  • Whenever you carry something, you make a note as to whether you are Lightly or Heavily Encumbered.
  • You still think Conan O'Brien should have used his two-handed sword when he was fired and replaced by Jay Leno on the Tonight Show.

Things you say that indicate you’ve been playing too much D&D

  • “Made that saving throw” after getting out of having to stay late at work.
  • “Nat 20” after seeing you got an ‘A’ on a test.
  • “Won that initiative roll” while darting in front of another car when making a lane change.
  • “Made my Strength check” after lifting something heavy.
  • “Need a Cure Light” after getting a paper cut.
  • “Need a Cure Serious” after cutting your finger on some broken glass.
  • “It’s called a dump stat for a reason” after saying the wrong thing to your in-laws.
  • "Failed my Perception check" when you didn't hear something someone said to you.
  • “I wonder how many hit points that was” after seeing a hard hit in football.
  • “I usually go with the orcs” when your co-workers are discussing their fantasy football league.

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